Turmoil Within

My despondency should be apparent,
No luster in my smile, pain in my eyes.
And with many of my actions I hint,
At things I’ve longed for, which have passed me by.
I acquiesce to my situation,
While mediocrity overwhelms me.
I will continue this imitation,
Disquised behind a fake smile that all see.
I desire solace within my soul,
And the healing of my poor broken heart.
Where is the peace of which I have been told,
Which renews the spirit for a fresh start?
This longing for solace and peace won’t end,
Until at last my heart can truly mend.

Perhaps….

my mind swirls, a whirlpool, emotions caught up,
having what I have but do not want,
wanting what I can’t have.
frustrating thoughts and unbridled feelings,
my confusion lasts and lingers.
the cacophony of voices in my mind,
fighting for dominance amongst one another.
contentious and bitter am I,
against whom but myself.
contemplation of the future before me,
is it all to be as I see and weep?
sorrow of lost adventures, missed opportunities.
the dereliction of duties present,
as I fight to chase away my demons,
or is it I being chased?
thoughts chased and herded,
pushed towards the abyss, the void.
my struggle persists, clarification is lost.
serenity is but a whisper in the night, I hear her call,
but like mist she passes through my fingers.
gone, blackness, nothing there,
drained of meaning my soul is parched,
thirsting for the influx of purpose,
and light to cut the dark.
I bow my head, and hold back the rain,
but the clouded thoughts persist and push.
so tired and weak, losing the will to fight,
but I must, no matter the struggle,
hold on, hold on, perhaps, just perhaps,
in time coming not too distant,
this storm will pass and the clouds will clear.
…perhaps.

Reflections

I awoke this morning pleased it was Friday. Having had a tough week I felt glad it was finally at an end, for my plans and goals had not been accomplished. I was disappointed. But then as I reflected on all which had transpired, my disappointment turned into thankfulness. Had I not awoke to reflect on the week? There are some who will not have the opportunity of reflection, for yesterday was their last. Was I not preparing to ready myself for a job, which some are still searching for? Was not there shelter above my head, while others remain on the streets? I struggle to think of what I will have for breakfast, while some wonder when they will have their next meal. As these thoughts fell upon me, I realized I need to be more thankful. I am truly blessed, yet I often take it for granted. I have eyes to see the majesty of the Lord’s creation, and ears to hear the birds as they sing in the morning. I have my health, a job, and a loving family around me. I have vehicles which provide me transportation. I do not lack food or clothing. I live in a country which allows me freedom to express my opinions openly. My list goes on, and I now look forward to this day. Thank you Lord, and forgive me for not really appreciating all I have. So now I ask, any who may read this…..what are you thankful for? .

Creations of my Mind…

the habitable creations of my mind,
unchecked thoughts with blind vision i doth create;
my reality done left behind,
power of the abstract cometh forth to permeate.
 
unseen worlds and new treasures to seek,
bold imaginations to give life;
the unbridaled fury of dreams does leak, 
slicing through chaos and strife.
 
light has pierced the covering of the cloud,
step aside as the planter of worlds is freed;
nakedness covered by the tattered shroud,
hideth the hand which drop the seed.
 
the blossom come forth from the withering death,
the barren desolate landscape;
which put forth the cold and chilling breath,
cannot forsake new ideas to shape.
 
has not before so long ago,
been time of rebirth within the battered soul?
as once was when the spirit did flow,
cometh again after life’s high toll.

Tormented…..Intro

The opening of the door of madness was unintentional, but the damage was done.  The putrification of his mind had begun and the struggle to regain clarity and the sense for which had once driven him would either make him stronger or destroy his soul in the process.  He had slowly ascended within the reaches of his inner being towards the purpose for which he was made.  The fog seemed to be clearing and within his sight over the next hilltop was what he had searched for over the past few years.  A sense of purpose, his calling, the merging of his talents gifts and desires with the concrete reality of the physical world.  He’d no longer live in the abstract recesses of his mind searching for light in the darkness.  It was finally within his grasp.  That’s when the storm clouds appeared on the horizon.  The thunder roared and the first few strikes of lightning illuminated the creeping darkness.  It all started with a phone call…..”Look, Tony, I can’t handle mom anymore.  I can’t care for her by myself.  I need help.”