I Miss You

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Each day is a struggle
trying to maintain my sanity
in a world that doesn’t make sense
losing a loved one
but going on
my thoughts are cluttered
and my head is foggy
i must stay busy and keep going
but sometimes i focus too much
and slow down for a second
i lose control
a flashback to that awful day
when my world imploded
and i had to say goodbye
a son gone
a home broken
i do my best to take a step
towards the future
and not the cliff
but the abyss calls
and i want to give up
my tears will not stop
and all is a blur
but others call my name
and i realize that they remain
they need a dad
and a husband
they help dry my tears
redirect my path
the pain is so deep
so strong
their hugs ease the grief
help me subdue my thoughts
i am able to continue
at least for another day

Cobwebs

Hmmmm….seems like it’s time to clear out the cobwebs in my head. I’ve tried to sit down and write, but keep coming up empty. Not sure where all the ideas went, but I can’t quite seem to focus. The most writing I’ve done is in my journal, but that’s easy. Writing about what’s happening in my life I can do, but coming up with creative ideas has been a struggle. I’ve tried turning my daily life into some type of story, but still nothing.

Anyone out there with some ideas, to help spark my creativity? I’d like to attempt the NaNOWriMo this November, but that’ll be a huge struggle at this point.

Pushing forward

Haven’t been in to visit my blog since last Sunday, when I was practicing a little bit of art. I was quite busy this past week returning to school, and I have also started working towards some new and old goals. Most of my writing this week has been self-help and goal setting. I carry a notebook around, keeping track of ideas, goals, questions. It has been quite effective in my overall outlook, and I’ve been rather productive this week. My morning and evening sports radio has been replaced by motivational/self-help CDs. I had several from years ago, and also purchased a couple of new ones. I plan to continue on this path, and make the changes necessary to accomplish all I’ve set my mind on.

Looking far ahead,
what shall be the outcome,
good intentions,
stacked high and covered in dust,
or shall dreams realized,
shine bright and true?

Early showers

The plan was to sleep in this morning. My last Saturday before returning to school. I know I could use the rest before school starts back up but that’s not going to happen. Of course waking up early gives me a little quiet time to reflect on the day, and listen to the rain outside. I do enjoy a good morning rain. Plus my lawn could use it.

Awoke to the rain,
beating hard on the windows.
alarm clock pointless,
droplets of music playing,
nature’s morning wakeup song.

Closing out Spring Break

It’s been a fantastic week being off from school. I’ve finally managed to get some things completed around the house which I had been putting off. I also started writing again. I’m not diving into a novel, pushing out short stories, or creating thought provoking poetry, but it is a start. I admit the temptation to become a couch potato has been tempting, but avoided. Netflix has not been completely put on hold, but I will say I’ve used my time more efficiently. I will continue striving towards my goals, and accomplish all I have planned.

Time quickly slips by,
procrastination kills dreams,
Oh, what could have been.

Day 5

Well where has the time gone? It’s late in the evening, and I’m just now getting to my computer to write. Missed my morning opportunity as I woke up late, then had to head over to the DMV. I really love the DMV. Such a wonderful place to spend the morning. But even as I sit her now, there seems to be a fire which I must put out. So before I go…

Life will throw us curves,
but keep your eye on the ball,
and keep on swinging.

Day 3

Day 3 of waking up again and actually opening up my laptop and writing. Working on a couple of sonnets but the words to finish each one elude me. I can pull a haiku out, but that’s about it for right now. I also need to start working on my book again. But for now I shall continue with this morning ritual in the hopes of developing some good habits.

Early morning thoughts,
elusive and fast fleeting,
a blank slate remains.

Reality Check

I went back and looked at my stats and I must say it was depressing. I’ve had a significant decline in writing since 2011. As a matter of fact this is the first time I’ve even written anything on my blog this year. The last time I did any significant amount of writing was when I was using Scrivener last year in my attempt to put together a book. And when I was writing in my Journal. I wasn’t writing on here, but at least I was writing. Those, however, both stopped. I’m up early this Saturday morning to reflect on my future when it comes to writing. Spring Break has just started, and now with some time off, I’m focused on writing again. Whether it be here on my blog, on Scrivener, or in my Journal, I just want to start writing again.

I have also gone back to listening to my audio books (motivational, self-help, etc.) while driving back and forth to work. I’ve only been doing it for a few days and here I am writing again. I’ve also had a more positive attitude at work and overall. I realize I’ve wasted quite a bit of valuable time, and I’m trying to make a change. I’m determined to make it stick, and part of that is getting up earlier every morning to write on here, my Journal, or in Scrivener. Actually feels good writing this down today, even if it’s just some minor reflections on my present state. It’s a start.